a heart full of emotions

My heart is feeling and trying to process more then I ever knew it could right now. My sweet sister Courtney has come to the point of needing one-on-one attention all the time, sooner then we thought she would, and so due to some things going on, I'm heading home a little bit early. She needs lots of loving support and attention. She needs someone who can focus on her completely and make her their priority. Logistically right now for my parents that's becoming impossible. I also am one of the people in her life that knows and understands her the best. I know that this is Jesus' plan and after making this decision, He's only confirmed it over and over. I have peace about it, my family has peace about it and the Murray's have peace about it. Our Jesus is good and it's been really neat to watch His plan unfold. I'm going to do what I know I need to do right now, and He is completely taking care of this end. Little did we know, He was already lining someone up to fill in the gap for the Murray's after I leave. This was His plan long before it was ours. His ways are not always my ways, but I'm learning to trust Him completely more and more. So it's official…I have a ticket to home April 8th-about a month before the original plan.

I can't even completely put into words how that makes my heart feel.

I'm so incredibly excited to see my family next month…like I can't even tell you!!! I miss them like crazy. I have been blessed hugely with the family that I have and I can't wait to get back home to them and to everything that home means to me. I'm excited to see my friends, to get plugged back into my church, continue my education, eat a taco…and a beef hamburger and so on….

At the same time, it was already hard to think about leaving and so trying to process leaving a month earlier then anticipated has been tough. I've fallen in love with this place. Saying goodbye to life here is going to be hard. All of the time, relationships that have been built, memories that have been made, life that has been lived, growing that my Jesus done in me….all of it. The food, smells, busyness. Just India in general. It's such a different world over here and I'm going to miss it. Even some things that I didn't think I would.

When I think back to the month or so before I left Fayetteville to move to India, I remember a lot of these feelings very well. It was incredibly bittersweet. I think the difference though, it that I was going into so many unknowns. I was so excited to go and to experience whatever it was that my Jesus had for my life over the next year, but I had no idea how special it would be. I didn't know what it was going to be like, so I had no idea what I was missing. Now I know. Now I know what it's like to live here. To have amazing friends. To have the blessing of interacting with, loving and teaching sweet orphans. To be exposed to so much need. To live and learn a culture other then your own. To experience new places. To watch new businesses develop. To experience being put way out of your comfort zone, and grow more then you imagined. To watch my Jesus work in amazing, amazing ways in Dehradun India.

And now that I know, it's going to be hard to leave.
Because now my heart is pulled in two different directions.

I'm so thankful for this past year. I'm so thankful for the opportunity of a life time. I could describe it a million different ways, but I think the best way to put it would be full.

When I step off that plane back in Fayetteville AR, I will be stepping off as a person who is so much fuller then when I left. I wouldn't trade my time here for anything. The good, the bad, the hard, the fun, the stretching, the molding, the joy, the tears-all of it. It has made me different in so many ways. He's changed me. And continues to do so. My Jesus has filled my heart and mind up more then I could imagine.

I think the thing that I'm trying to focus on the most right now, is remembering and believing that Jesus has His best for me wherever He leads next. Because that's how He works. When you are in His will, that is where you are going to be the most content and filled. That is also where you are going to have the ability to be the biggest blessing to those around you. I'm remembering that He already knows. I'm remembering that I need to trust. I'm remembering that though change is hard, change is good. We just keep moving forward. I'm excited to take this year, and all the growing and learning that came with it, and use it to go into this next phase of life a changed person, with a fresh & grown perspective on His world. And I'm excited about whatever He's got next.

Happy Losar!!!

This week was Losar. Losar is the Tibetan word for "new year" and is the most important holiday in Tibet.
I've been told that in Tibet they celebrate all month long-it's a big deal. In India it's still a big deal to the Tibetans, but it only lasts about a week. We have lots of Tibetan friends in Rajpur and so we got to experience and celebrate their holiday with them. It's been fun.

A couple days ago we went over to a friend's house for lunch to celebrate with them. Nawong and Tenzin are a super sweet Tibitan couple with a cute little two year old. We had some YUMMY homemade MoMo's and chili. The best in town in my opinion. We were also each given a bowl of special Tibitan beer. Lovely. Its thick, served warm, and made with rice milk. Yeah. Not my favorite. It was cultural though, so I drank it with a smile on my face. (Getting pretty good at that)

We had lots of fun eating, laughing, and just hanging out. So fun to experience a special holiday with friends! Happy Losar!!

strawberries

Ok folks. So this might not sound like that big of a deal to you, but when you've been living in India for 9 months and this is the very first you've seen of them, (or berries of any kind for that matter) it becomes blog worthy.

You ready for this???

We found strawberries today!!!! People-that's exciting. Mel, Micah and I were driving back from Dehradun on the scooter today, when all the sudden Mel put on her brakes, starts honking like a mad woman, and tells me to look. Right in front of us was a boy with a strawberry cart. Oh yeah! I jumped off and proceeded to buy 2 kilos. That's a lot of strawberries. I'm sure I was rather humorous to the poor guy...I was extremely happy and not afraid to show it.


So we now have 2 kilos of red, delicious, strawberries.
The boys and I had them for dessert with ice cream tonight.
I'm a happy camper.

catering

Since moving to India, I've found a new love of baking. I figure it's because of two reasons.

#1- I have so much more time on my hands. So I started baking some in the afternoons when I was home while Levi napped. In a lot of ways life just moves at a slower pace here. You make up for it with the crazy days, but it's kind of nice to slow things down. It's just so different from the never ending, fast paced lifestyle of the US.

#2-I crave the food that I associate with home…and you sure ain't gonna find it anywhere in these neck of woods, so if you want it, you're gonna have to make it. And if you know me, you know that I l.o.v.e. anything sweet. Especially when it has to do with chocolate. So I bake a lot of desserts. Because I don't think there's ever a time when that doesn't sound good to me. Even more so when you're having a tough day or you're missing home.

Over the months I've definitely learned from trial and error. Everything is just so different here. Over time though, you learn things like where to get the "fine ground" sugar instead of the "regular" stuff they use here, because their sugar makes things super chewy and hard. You learn where to buy the "chocolate slab" that you then chop up, because chocolate chips don't really exist. You learn that you MUST sift your flour or you will have many a bug in your end product. You learn that just about anything that you buy in a box or a can in the US can be made from scratch. You learn that your hands work just as well as a kitchenAid, and I've learned how to operate our little toaster oven pretty darn good. Things like that.

Here's the deal about the majority of Indian baking.
It's just not good. It doesn't taste good. It's always so dry. It looks beautiful and the presentation is always so nice, but the taste is just way lacking. That almost makes it worse-when something looks so good and then you bite into it and it tastes gross. Sad day. Now there are some exceptions to this rule, but not too many...which is a bummer.
I've just decided that they are so, so good at the cooking side of things, that somehow the baking got forgotten about. Because everything else you eat here is delicious.

I bake a lot during the week and we constantly have friends dropping in to hang out, or neighbors stopping by for tea, or some kiddos playing cricket in the front yard that just need a cookie…so it works out great. Everyone loves the western style of baking. They can't get enough of it. I don't blame them to be honest…a good cookie is just hard to pass up. And a midnight snack of Chai and a muffin just ends your day right.
The baking at our house has earned us a reputation for some good eats. Mel makes excellent coffee cake-really just anything breakfast. She's good. She's also the No-Bake Cookie master. And I love to make just about anything and everything else. Everyone has been suggesting for a long time that we open a shop- Kate's Cakes. :) If I wasn't going home in May I would pretty seriously consider it. I could make some good money!
But after delivering some valentines cookie's last month, Richa asked us if I would consider catering an event that they were having in a couple weeks. I decided to do it, and it was so much fun.

I made all kinds of stuff. Mel and I had fun in the kitchen together. I baked and baked and baked, and she washed and washed and washed. She was awesome. She also made her famous No-Bakes which everyone loves. The end result was 6 very large trays of food, and many happy people.

Aside from students, there were a little over a hundred people there, some of which being very prestigious and important. It was almost like an art show. Students from impoverished and underprivileged familes, that took a photography class under JoJo and Richa, had an opportunity to show off their work and be recognized for what they're doing. We met some very interesting people, and made some good contacts for when JoJo and Richa really do open their coffee shop at some point. We walked away with 4 business cards and quite a few names of people who "had orders" (makes me laugh). And we already have our next event booked...who woulda thought.

happy birthday!!

Happy, happy Birthday to the best mama a girl could ever ask for!!!!
I am so thankful for you and who you are in my life.
I look up to you in so many ways.
I miss you more then words could ever express, and love you even more.

thunderstorms

I love thunderstorms. There's just something about how powerful, raging, mysterious, and dangerous, but beautiful, soothing, inspiring and comforting they are. As I sat up on the steps of the church in the middle of a very loud one, under the arch, and looked out at the huge sky, I was reminded of the face of my Jesus. It occurred to me that Thunderstorms are a lot like Him. We have no control over storms. They can be extremely unpredictable at times. They are fierce, powerful, and dominating. So is our Jesus.
All too often I put Jesus in a box. I make Him what I want Him to be. I take all the things I like, all the things that feel good, comforting, safe, and then that's how I think of Him. That's not ok. Because when you think about it, that's not honoring Him anyway. That's being shortsighted and that's belittling Him. That's not loving Him in all ways. That's limiting Him to how I feel. That's like setting up boundaries in my heart, and only allowing myself to know the parts of Him that seem safe. That's restricting my love and adoration. When we limit and confine Him to what we want Him to be, we miss out on the chance to know Him completely. We hinder ourselves of learning more about Him. Our God as a whole.


My Jesus is loving, comforting, protecting, soothing, intimate, and a safe refuge. He is a peaceful God. He is personal and He is full of Grace. He is compassionate, and full of Mercy. He loves. He forgives. He is always here.

That's the Jesus that we all run to.

My Jesus is fierce, full of power, mighty, just, angry, jealous, condemning, authoritative, commanding, forceful. He is a warrior. He is supreme, He is sovereign, He is dominant. He is ruler of all.

That's the Jesus I choose to forget about sometimes.

Because it's not sweet and comforting. It doesn't always feel safe and soothing. Here's the thing though…sometimes He's not supposed to. Sometimes He chooses to be fierce and angry. Our god is a God of justice. He is not confined. We may choose that in our hearts, even without realizing it, but He is not.
He demands reverence. We are supposed to fear Him. He is a jealous God. He's not always feel good and comforting. We could never, ever find enough words to adequately display His character. He's indescribable. But we can't just make Him into what we want Him to be. Our hearts should not limit Him.

As I was surrounded by that thunderstorm, by the darkness and the coldness, watching the lightening strike and listening to the thunder roar, I was reminded that like our Jesus, they can be comforting and peaceful, but at the same time they are mysterious, dangerous, powerful, and demand respect. We are called to come to His feet with fear and reverence. To remember His power and control. To be in constant awe and amazement of the God we serve.
We are so little in His huge hands. And that's how it's supposed to be.

HaPpY valentines DaY

Happy Valentines Day!!
Spent the afternoon spreading some love around Rajpur, north India today. We baked and decorated dozens and dozens of heart shaped sugar cookies (even made our own cookie cutter out of sand paper and tin foil...actually quite resourceful) and then delivered them to all our friends, shop keepers, & employees around our little town. It was fun to share and celebrate an American holiday with all of our Indian and Tibetan friends. They all thought it was pretty special. It's cool when something so simple and little, like a plate of cookies, can bring so much joy and so many smiles. In a case like this, I think it really is the thought that counts.
Hope you all have a special day celebrating the ones you love the most!