pain unimaginable

When I got to JoyBells on Tuesday, double the amount of kids ran out to meet me than usual. I knew right away the kiddos were back from Ladakh. Thank you, Jesus!! Every single sweet child is back home safe and sound after a 3 day bus ride. They got home on Saturday. It was so good to see them and have all the kids back together again! We had so much fun. They were SO happy to be back home. I think that says a lot about JoyBells orphanage.

Pretty quickly Tuesday left me with a lot to think about. I was trying to process a lot on the ride home that day. There are just some things that I don't think I will ever fully understand this side of heaven.

I got to JoyBells a little bit later then usual and the older kids were already working on some projects. They were doing creative writing type stuff for their English class and were told to write out a story of an event from their lives that occurred within the last month. Most of the older kids were in Ladakh all of last month, and so naturally the majority of them wrote about the flood. All of the kids were scattered around in their different original villages of birth, and so they were all separated. Their stories seemed almost all the same, but also so very, very different. Because they were personal. Most of their stories were unimaginable.

Sitting there looking into the deep brown eyes of an eight year old as he tells me his story, I was hit hard. My heart broke. I'm listening to an eight year old boy tell me about the night of the flood, and what happened at his house. He told me that he woke in the middle of the night to his mom's screams, and a huge wall of water. He told me that he and his mom were both terrified. He told me that his 2 year old sister cried the entire night without stopping. He told me that he was cold and hungry. He told me that he watched helplessly as his grandfather drowned. That he heard his screams as he was pinned under a bed and couldn't get out, but that none of them could reach him. He told me that they had to leave him as he was dying or they would have all died with him. He told me that literally seconds after they ran out of their house it was swept away. He told me that they ran all night long up the mountain to try and find a safe place. He tells me all of this with dry eyes and an expressionless voice. It hit me that this little boy has seen more in his eight years of living then most of us will in a life time. They all have.

I listened to story after story, and I was reminded over and over again about how much these kids have been through. I thought of some of the stories I have heard from Joy about them. They have seen, experienced, lived through; horrific, horrible, unimaginable circumstances, and to them - it's just life. They tell me their stories as if they are no big deal. It's simply just what happened.
Not that they don't care. Not that it doesn't hurt them to the core that they watched their little sister starve to death. Not that they don't have recurring nightmares for five years after watching their mother be murdered and dumped in a river. Not that they don't wish their 62 year old Grandpa was still alive. Not that they don't miss their dad who was run over by a tractor or beat to death. Not that they don't wish away every hungry lonely night that they've lived through. Every beating they have endured. Not that they don't wish that they would have had clothes to wear, or food to eat. But it's just life. It's simply all they've ever known.

Can you imagine? I can't.

For the majority of people that have grown up in the states, life might have been hard and cruel at times, but for most, the worst situation we've ever been in is nothing compared to what so many people know every day.

I still don't know how to put into words what has been going on in my heart since that day. What I was reminded of. What I felt. I still don't even know exactly what all went through my head. I don't even completely know how to process everything that I am feeling yet, but I know I was reminded of a few specific things.

I came away from JoyBells on Tue. with a renewed spirit of thankfulness. TRUE thankfulness. Living in India, you stare death and poverty in the face every day and you are constantly reminded of and thankful for how much you have, but this was different. I think it took things to a deeper level. It became more personal for me. I am so blessed. Beyond blessed. Blessed to be born into the family I have, the wealth, the education, the opportunity, the freedom, the love that I've been given. I was born into a wonderful life. I have a ton. I think I was reminded not just of how thankful I am for my material possessions, but for everything else. The things that really matter.

I was reminded of the fact that God makes all things new. He replaces ashes for beauty. Almost every child at JoyBells has been through more then I can even imagine, but they have come out on the other side even more beautiful. They have pasts that I sometimes choose not to think about, but they are joyful and full of love. They have a home, they have a family, they have love. Most importantly they are growing in Jesus, and the love that HE offers.

I was reminded of the fact that EVERYONE has a story. Everyone has a story and every story has a face. A name.

I was reminded again on Tuesday that sometimes love hurts. But I think it's supposed to. Only when we allow ourselves to be broken, to let it become personal, can we truly love and have compassion. And only when we truly love, can we make a difference.

I could ask the question of why until I die. Why was I born into what I was born into, while so much of this world was born into this? Why was I given so much when so many are without? Why is life so unfair? But instead of asking questions, we are called to act. To be the hands and feet of Jesus. To share. To use our resources to advance the kingdom. To care for the widows and the orphans. To bless others with what we have been blessed with. To be constantly thankful. To not take things for granted. To use what we have been given to create opportunities for others. To live with open hands. To love. Love in the sweet, sweet name of Jesus.